literature

curiosity killed

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Literature Text

i swear on your life
or what's left of it
broken for dreams they once held

this reflection you see
shattered and exposed
painful words regretfully hurled
taken back moments too late

did you have to
bring back those memories
of you telling me
how much it doesn't matter
it never mattered
it never entered
your mind
how good it could be

how does it feel now
to almost lose it all
only to savour the sweetness
rolling around your tongue
dewdrops of sweated blood

pulse racing towards flatlines
hanging on the proverbial edges
pushed / leapt on your own accord

curiosity killed love
and i abetted
guilty as charged
i plead insanity

the ride is always peaceful
on the way down
lost and gained at one instant

made your splash on tearfloods
as everything starts to fade
blurry distinction of love and hate

it's over
it's over, it's always over
before it even started
woe is me, even my take on dark poetry can turn out so clicheic..
© 2002 - 2024 pfoj
Comments3
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glasscuckooland's avatar
This poem is good, better than a lot of stuff I've read on DA. You have some quite nice imagery occurring, like h-hour I enjoyed the "dewdrops of sweated blood", very nice. However, as you yourself have stated, much of the imagery and language you employ in the piece is slightly cliched. The imagery not so much, but words like "shattered", "painful", etc, when used in the context of typically 'dark'poetry don't appear to have much impact simply because of overkill.

Also, while you establish a nice rhythm in a few places in the poem, this rhythm is sporaddic. You pick it up, then drop it in places, then pick it up again, so it comes across as quite awkward. The third and fourth stanzas have a nice rhythm to them, your syllabilic structure works very well. But then it's lost in the third line of the fifth stanza and only ever momentarily captured again.

All in all, a very capable and vivid piece, demonstrative of your enormous potential as a writer